What am I doing wrong?

[AnnMullen]

My article's title is Developing a Career.

Here's the message I got:

"As before: Information related to the request, or other irrelevant information, may not be included in the submitted document.

"Every article must begin with an introductory paragraph. Introductory paragraphs present the main idea of your article, orient your reader, and prepare him or her for what information the article will provide. Without an introductory paragraph, your reader will become lost or you will lose your reader.

" There are many resources available that describe how to write an introductory paragraph. Most are geared towards students and essay writing, but the principles are the same and can be adapted for non-academic writing.

"Consider the following resources: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm and http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts ... tions.html

"Please professionally format your articles in 12 pt. Times New Roman or Arial black font with single spaced paragraphs and a double space between paragraphs. A full space between paragraphs helps the reader to determine where one paragraph ends and another begins. You should also observe this formatting rule for the content details section of the submission form."


What am I doing wrong?

Thanks for the help.

Annie

[jadedragon]

Wow Ed is really in a helpful mood today.

I see three main issues:

1. Irrelevant info included. Remember that the requester may not buy and the article may go into the general pool.
2. The article needs a good introductory paragraph
3. You used something other than 12 point TNR or Arial font, perhaps in a color other than black.

Which part is unclear to you?

[AnnMullen]

Step 1 How do you find out what is available—Career Fairs.

You are in high school and your counselor wants to help you take classes that relate to the career field you are interested in. You’d talked about some options with your parents and scout leader, but you really are not sure of what jobs there are out there.

Your school counselor might not have thought of this idea, but maybe you need to go to some job fairs. They happen in most bigger cities regularly with all sorts of opportunities you might not have considered.


I fixed the font, I think I have a good lead geared towards kids; but when I copied these two graphs, there was no space between them. It looks right on the Word page.

The remark is not that it has been turned down, but that it needs rewriting.

Annie

[Celeste Stewart]

Did the article start out with the "Step 1: How do you find out what is available - Career Fairs" heading or is that a section of the article? (I'd reword that heading myself - maybe: Step 1: Using Career Fairs to Explore Career Options).

Since the rejection notice specifically said that an introductory paragraph is needed, I'm guessing that the article just jumps in. Looks like your target audience is the young adult crowd, still in high school or college. An introductory paragraph needs to let readers know if the article is relevant to them and what it's going to cover.

For example, as a 40-something professional, I'm not going to be interested in career fairs geared toward teens, so that introductory paragraph will give me a clue as to whether or not the article is relevant to me. If I were interested in the topic because I have a teenager in the family, then I'd want to know what the article's going to cover and whether it's relevant to my kid. It's not just me, everyone wants to know how an article relates to them and what to expect. We all want to know whether it's worth our time to continue reading or not.

Here's an introductory paragraph I might use based on what I gleaned from your example:
"Confused by the maze of career options your high school counselor, parents, and scout leaders have tossed your way? High school is hard enough as it is without the added pressure of choosing a career path. However, your career starts with the choices you make today. While your counselors and parents have good intentions, sometimes you need to explore your career options on your own. Career fairs, internships, volunteer positions, summer jobs, and other options tailored to career-oriented teens help you to learn about what's available while also providing you with the opportunity to discover your passions."

Of course, I'm making some of the above up as I don't know the other steps that you covered. That last sentence lends itself to a series of paragraphs covering each option (career fairs, internships, volunteering, summer jobs). I'd also revise the title to focus in on teens: "Tips for Developing a Career for High School Students" or "It's Never too Early to Prepare for a Career" or "Prepare for a Career Before You Go to College."

[AnnMullen]

Thank you Celeste,

Annie