Constant Content

With all of the news about Tiger Woods, Barak Obama, unemployment, the economy and everything else that's going on, sometimes it's nice to sit back, take a break (and maybe even laugh a little) In that spirit, here are some actual headlines that have appeared in newspapers over the years...


Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Farmer Bill Dies In House
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Headless Body Found In Topless Bar


(no wonder newspapers are going out of business...)

I know what happened to the people who wrote those titles -- they went to work at Demand Stduios as title writers! Lysis, you know what I'm talkin' bout!

Thanks for posting, Dennis - those are too funny! What writer and editor didn't see anything wrong with the herpes headline?!?

LOL! Thanks for the laugh.

Yes, a good laugh. Thanks for brightening my day!

Glad to see I'm not the only one scratching my head at Demand Studios. I was accepted, but their guidelines are odd to say the least. Hence, my profile has sat dormant.

These made me laugh, especially the "Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies." Funny in a dark way, I feel bad for the poor soul who lost his or her life, but the literal reading of a ship dying is funny in my twisted mind. Probably because for 6 long years my eyes scoured headlines for any submarine news when hubby was out to sea.

Always Smiling,
Elizabeth Ann West

I was watching some tv show this morning and this psychiatrist was giving advice on how to find your "inner peace". He said "the way to find inner peace is to finish all the things you've started, but never finished".

So I looked around the house and found a number of things I hadn't finished. So far I've finished off half a bottle of White Zinfandel, half a bottle of tequila, a package of Oreo's, what was left of an old Prozac prescription, three pieces of cheesecake, a bag of doritos and a box of chocolate chip cookies!

You wouldn't believe how freaking good I feel right now...

Dennis

Hahaha!

Two old guys were talking one day and one asked the other, "Hey Fred, what was the name of that memory course you went to last month?" Fred looks over at his wife, trying hard to remember a simple little name, "Uh, hold on now - just let me think about this..." He turns and looks around trying to remember - getting absolutely nowhere - if he could just remember that name... then he realizes the course itself held the answer - word association!!!

He looks at his friend and says, "Uh... a flower, smells really nice and looks beautiful, but has thorns???", his friend says, "You mean a rose?" The guy says, "Yeah!" and turns to his wife, "Hey Rose! - What was the name of that memory course I took last month???"

Inspiration struck while watching CNN go on and on about Tiger Woods. The article is not up to CC standards and I doubt anyone would buy it, but I threw this up for fun. Hope you get a laugh from it too.

How to Profit From a Relationship with Tiger Woods - In 10 Easy Steps
http://www.ehow.com/how_5734887_profit- ... steps.html