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Help me check the grammar errors here please

Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:52 pm
by rhodella
I tried to submit an article to CC and unfortunately, it was rejected for grammar errors. Please help me check some errors in it.
Here's the article.

Tawa-tawa Tea Makes Dengue Fever Less Alarming

The mortality rate of those who are suffering from dengue fever is increasing specially during rainy seasons here in the Philippines. Mosquitoes multiply fast in dumpy areas and Aedes mosquitoes-the dengue causing mosquitoes are of course growing in number as well.

Within the rural communities in the southern part of the Philippines, dengue fever is really alarming. This is not because people are uninformed on how to take care patients suffering from this kind of fever but because, in most cases, the disease is discovered in its later stage and immediate medication is of no avail. The fact that there are no vaccines and medicines yet for such disease, when the patient’s platelet count drops 30, then a blood transfusion is the alternative of getting back the lost platelet. Local doctors argue that suspected dengue patients should submit for a platelet count earlier especially when an on and off fever is experienced for several days for early diagnosis.

****** large excerpt deleted by moderators -- (so that the article isn't indexed by Google) *****
One of the most important thing for the community is the belief that dengue is not that alarming with the tawa-tawa weeds cropping everywhere in the locality.

Re: Help me check the grammar errors here please

Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:15 pm
by Antonia
Hi Rhodella,

There's actually at least one error in every single sentence, so it would be time-consuming to go through the whole article. Here are the main things you need to proofread for:

- Missing punctuation. This resource may help you spot missing commas and the like: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/598/02/
- Missing words. Read each sentence out loud to help you catch missing words.
- Subject/verb agreement. This may help: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/599/01/

Good luck!

Re: Help me check the grammar errors here please

Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2010 6:30 pm
by Celeste Stewart
Hi,
I deleted a large chunk of the article as the forum is frequently indexed by Google and other sites. This could make your article unsaleable on CC or elsewhere because it could show up as duplicate content. I left a couple of excerpts so that you can get the help you need without risking your article's overall saleability.

I noticed a lot of errors, especially with plurals and commas, as well as wordiness. Here's how I might rewrite the first few sentences:

The mortality rate of dengue fever sufferers is increasing in the Philippines. Aedes mosquitoes, which spread dengue fever, thrive and multiply rapidly in damp conditions. During the rainy season, dengue fever becomes a serious threat due to swarms of hungry mosquitoes. (I'd perhaps cite some facts such as "According to ___, the Aedes mosquito population has increased ___ percent since ___.)

Dengue fever is particularly alarming in the rural southern communities where dengue fever is often discovered in its later, less treatable, stages.


This sentence is particularly confusing:
The fact that there are no vaccines and medicines yet for such disease, when the patient’s platelet count drops 30, then a blood transfusion is the alternative of getting back the lost platelet.

It needs to be restructured for grammar and clarity. It also needs a transition of some sort.
Vaccines and medicines to prevent or treat dengue fever have yet to be developed (I'd fact check and cite that), leaving physcians with few treatment options. In the later stages of the disease, platelet counts fall dangerously low. When the patient's platelet count drops 30 points ( or down to 30?? confusing, be more specific), then a blood transfusion is necessary to increase platelet levels.

Anyhow, I hope some of these comments help.