The Passive Sentence - Avoid Overuse

[Elizabeth Ann West]

Coudn't find a post dealing specifically with passive sentences, but my post was on writing active first sentences: [url]http://www.constant-content.com/forum/v ... php?t=6784[/url]

So let's start a discussion now:

Passive sentences are a poor way to communicate because active sentences are so much more fun to read! Ask yourself which sentences you are drawn to and understood the most:

A)Sally, having been told not to go to the store by her mother, disobeyed.
B)Sally's mother told Sally not to go to the store, but Sally disobeyed.

OR

A) The ball bounced off the wall, after having been thrown by Max.
B) Max threw the ball and it bounced off the wall.

Both examples above have the A) sentence in passive tense, and the B) sentence in present tense. We can all see sentence B) is easier to read and understand, here's why:

Passive sentences take more words. Longer sentences are more difficult to digest, so if you need to cut words in an assignment, just look around for passive sentences.

Passive sentences put the verb before the related noun. This is awkward, and makes the reader remember what happened before who it happened to or who did it. The English language, and English readers, expect a sequence in sentences, the subject, the verb, and then the predicate. When you use the passive voice, this is all jumbled up, and often so is your meaning.

There will be times where passive sentences are unavoidable. A few, such as 1 or 2 in a couple of paragraphs isn't going to make or break a reader's comprehension. However, a writing piece chock full may just make the reader choke on all the words she must swallow! If you have trouble changing passive sentences to active sentences, ask a friend to to look at the sentence, or just take some time away. Chances are when you come back to the piece, light bulbs will go off, and you will have a slew of ways to rewrite the sentence.

[Celeste Stewart]

Think of it this way:
Is something/someone doing something? (Max threw the ball.)
or
Is something being done to something? (The ball was thrown by Max)

Another tip is to get rid of "was" and "there was" as much as possible. I call it "was-ititis"

Max was running. (Max ran.)
There was a car driving erratically. (A car drove erratically.)

[Ed]

EAW and Celeste . . .

Sure we did not have this discussion? Anyway, this is the information I was looking for. I can explain the errors and suggest improvements briefly in my rejection notices, but didn't want to slam this writer with a tome about grammar and sentence structure.

Now you have gone and done my work for me. Sorry - that wasn't my intent! It does help, and I'll be able to either direct the writer here or copy/paste the information. So thanks a lot!

I think other members of the CC community (even you lurkers) can benefit from checking their articles for overuse of passive sentence construction.

Thanks again,
Ed

[Celeste Stewart]

We all know the basics but it never hurts to revisit. Besides, it's easy to fall into the habit of passive writing.

[constant-content]

I have always thought that people's writing ability is a direct corollary with their understanding of mechanics. Sometimes just 'getting it' is enough, but most of the time it helps to have a little hand-holding. Thanks guys!

[constant-content]

I have always thought that people's writing ability is a direct corollary with their understanding of mechanics. Sometimes just 'getting it' is enough, but most of the time it helps to have a little hand-holding. Thanks guys!

[Elizabeth Ann West]

Sorry Ed, wasn't trying to do your work for you.... I'm am totally in teacher mode as I was just selected as a contributor to a website specializing in lesson plans and study guides for novels. I'm working on "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien, and I actually dragged a few of my old textbooks from the closet for clarification on literary terms etc. The nostalgia for college was a little overwhelming, as I can see my little notes in the margins.... Sigh.

By far, this is my most enjoyable writing assignment yet. You may have noticed I haven't submitted in awhile. It's been crazy this month with the custody case, and putting my personal website together. But I love the feeling of community here on Constant-Content, so catching up on the forums is always a priority for me!

Love you all!!!!!

Always Smiling,
Elizabeth Ann West

**Edited to remove specific website name, on second thought not sure the site would be comfortable with wide knowledge they use freelance writers...

[Ed]

No, please don't apologize. This helps me out a lot.

Congrats on the job.

[AThompson]

This is VERY helpful, as I was taught in school to write in "passive voice" (though I didn't know what it was called).

Passive voice was considered more "professional" and "educated".

I have tried for many years to rid myself of it, but I find it is often how I think, therefore strangely more intuitive for me.

Thanks for the thread!
AThompson

[vjlenin]

yes, I am much troubled by passivity myself. as sentences are made more passive, they are made devoid of life and rhythm. as you and your eyes, reading through this, are bored, your mind is automatically made aware of the inelegance of passivity.

So far for passivity, it's extremely boring to read something written in passive voice. I should dedicate a post in my blog for this. However, there are situations in which passivity is unavoidable. Passivity is a direct allusion to the mentality of the reader, (s)he is not active enough and is a couch potato that's the allusion, don't you think?

Lenin