Constant Content

Okay...my opinion is that I don't know enough about writing and submitting to stray yet.

You'll see that article again after the guidelines sinik in. You haven't indicated the topic is off limits so I'll put it away for now. If it is something you feel will still be inappropriate, no matter how I approach the topic, please let me know.

I'll just stick with the informational, shorter stuff for now...

Thanks and sorry. It's a little difficult not to become overzealous at first

Someone please write a "How to" on typing with fake nails. These are the first I've EVER had....and I HATE them!

Melissa,

I think the topic is very interesting, and I enjoyed reading about Granny Witches. I think putting the article away for a couple of days will be beneficial - clarity issues or awkward phrases will jump out at you then. You might also consider reading the article out loud to yourself.

I don't know how you feel about it, but one thing you could try is posting one of your paragraphs from the beginning of the article here in this thread. Other authors might be able to offer useful advice. If I had use of the "red pen," I could point out problems pretty easily, but as it stands, I have to give you umbrella statements.

Don't abandon this article entirely. I hadn't even heard of the topic before your article, and I think the content makes a unique addition to the site.

Ed

I'm a new writer to articles and CC. There are some things wrong with my wording and clarity...and try as I might - I'm still skimming over them. Can someone help me out?

Thanks in advance,

Melissa

Ed: Thank you so much for the help.

I know my style is blunt which means 700 or more words calls for more clarity and flow than my business pieces. The terrible thing is, I love this subject and could write FOREVER about my Appalachian granny...

It is so easy to NOT let a piece sit...but you did me a great favor by taking the time to respond so I'll do us both one and not post immediately after finishing a piece.

My sincerest thanks,

Melissa

The only difficulties I can see as a reader is you really make us work for it. I see what Ed means by this information is fascinating, but the flow of it is troublesome. This isn't mean to be harsh at all Melissa, I think your writing is great. I just think you are so deep in your own research, you can't see the places where you are making a reader "jump" to understand what you are trying to say.

Your first sentence is passive. Try making it active-- "Front porch conversations in Appalachia are reserved for the re-telling of tradition." Passive sentences make a reader double time it, they must read to the end of the sentence to find out the subject, and then frequently go back to the beginning to remind themselves what it relates to.

Your third sentence has two issues: it tries to cover too much ground and doesn't let the reader understand your conclusion. I understand you want to keep the imagery of reminiscing, but the image needs to be trimmed down a little so you can clarify what you mean by health clinics. An adjective here declaring health clinics to be modern medicine, or modern intrusions (As opposed to convenience ). Once I read about the licensed physicians, I sorta understood what you were trying to say about days before health clinics. Unfortunately, you don't want your reader to "get" something in the introduction at the end of the second paragraph.

Finally, I would outline the information you want to teach about Granny Witches. Then once the outline makes sense, either logically or chronologically, use it to dictate your paragraphs. It is a little awkward to handle the "end" of Granny witches in the second paragraph, and then in the third paragraph go on to define what they are. I would flip it. Maybe even lament the introduction of modern medicine at the end of the article.

Whenever possible, break your sentences up into smaller ones. They are far easier for a reader to digest, especially on an unfamiliar topic.

Please don't take offense to any of my suggestions, and feel free to ignore them all. I was just trying to help. I can't wait to see the final article!

Always Smiling,
Elizabeth West

P.S. Strunk and White's Elements of Style can really help with the finer tuning of writing. For tips like the ones I listed above, I prefer John R. Trimble's "Writing with Style: Conversations on the Art of Writing." It's a little book, with a bit of a high price in my opinion, but invaluable to my writing. It gives examples, ways to improve every major section of nonfiction work, and is a pretty enjoyable read.

Hi Melissa,

This is a really interesting topic, and I admire your courage to post for other authors to give suggestions.

One thing that jumps out at me is your use of passive phrasing. For example, I'll take your first three sentences:

Front porch conversations continue to be reserved for the re-telling of
traditions in Appalachia. Discussions often include topics like herbal
remedies and their history, death stories, feuds, ghosts and miracles. It is common to find the oldest generation surrounded by its younger counterparts while they reminisce about the days before health clinics.

There are several things you could change to more active forms:

to be reserved (by whom?)
Discussions often include (who is discussing?)

Even, "It is common to find" is missing a real subject doing a firm action. (In that case I might reword to simply say: Younger family members surround the oldest generation who reminisce about the days before health clinics.) Try to eliminate excess words and phrases and make the action more prominent throughout.

Again, bravo on having the guts to post your work in the forum.

Careful about posting articles on the boards -- suddenly they are no longer "unique." This board is public.

I recommend deleting this thread once Baily sees the advice..... otherwise she won't be able to ask anything other than usage for it.

This is a small portion of the entire article, but I do agree that it would make me more comfortable if it was an even smaller excerpt - such as the first paragraph or two.

Melissa - another note. I appreciate that you haven't inserted yourself into the article, even though this is a subject to which you are very close. Making the article informational, rather than personal, gives the tone of your article more credibility. While personal narratives are great for some publications, they aren't really right for CC, except in the case of requests.

The "Granny Witch" phenomenon seems to mirror a similar phenomenon in other folk cultures - the taking of certain roles by individuals who have been deemed (or deemed themselves) elders, healers, and shamans. Eastern European folk culture has a strong history of village witches, and shamanism is still alive and well (albeit in modernized form) in native Siberian populations. I see a lot of potential for making connections, enhancing your current knowledge, and potential for research, if you have the time/energy/desire.

Ed

This is YOUR story. Not because you're writing it; it sounds like you lived it. What you've written is interesting, but it's written from the point of view of an outsider; like a teacher or a reporter. Show the story from your '"child's" eye. Tell the story like you're an old lady sitting on that porch. Then weave in statistical or technical data for clarity and context.

[i]EDIT: I just posted this and saw Ed's comment about personalizing. I wanted to clarify that I'm not suggesting you put yourself into the story, exactly. Rather, practice telling the story before you write it, as if we were sitting on that porch.[/i]

Show, don't tell. Ed wrote a blog on this topic, I believe. Find the generalities, like 'herbal remedies' and give us a specific.

Finally, as you said, you could write forever on this topic. So break it down and pick a focus. You have two good ones here -- children learning history and culture from their elders; and the professional conflict between grannies and doctors. That's where I got lost. What is this story about, beyond granny witches?

You can always write more about this subject and compile it into something bigger.

By the way, think about what rights you're willing to give up when you sell this. You might want to hang on to some of those rights if you plan a bigger project.

How do I delete these posts?

Thanks to everyone for your input!

Sincerely,

Melissa

Do you want to copy/save the tips you've gotten? I can delete the topic once you've got the information you need.

Yes. I copied everything - thanks so much to everyone for the help!

Actually you could leave the majority if you wanted...probably just remove the quoted piece of my article on Elizabeth's post.