Wishywashy Beginnings

Elizabeth Ann West · Post by **Elizabeth Ann West** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:04 am

Ed-

While I am sure you have probably blogged about this, I thought I would offer it as an idea in the author exchange because it is a technique I use anytime I start an article.

One of my English professors in college was a Nazi about the first sentence should always be a declarative sentence, with the least amount of words as possible. She had this thing about trying to make your first sentence only 5 words, and if you wanted an "A", 6 words was an "A-."

So here is my offer of help to other writers: Don't be wishy-washy on your first sentence.

Ex. Wholesale shopping [u]can be[/u] a great way to save money for small business owners.

Corrected: Entrepenaurs save with wholesale shopping. (Now article can go on to dicuss what is saved? money, time, frustration, quality etc).

Another sentence to start articles I see tons, but thankfully had the professor break my habit of them.

Ex. Shopping addiction [u]may be[/u] one of the most under-rated addictions out there.

Corrected: Under-rated addictions include shopping addiction. (Now you would go on to discuss how it plagues the average American family, how it is difficult to notice since everybody shops, inundation of commercials etc.)

"Can be" and "May be" are the worst verb usages for a first sentence. If people are reading, and buying your article, you don't want to give them the first impression that your subject "may not be" important, relevant, or true.

Don't worry so much about trying to include every possible scenario about your subject in the first sentence. As your article continues, and your first paragraph gets to the thesis, the reader will learn what you are discussing and excluding. This doesn't mean outlandish statements such as "Cotton candy is rotten." should always be used. But, that would be a great first sentence for an article about sweets and tooth decay.

So try it out! If it works for an article of yours, great! If not, well it never hurts to try. As my favorite quote goes... "Our doubts are traitors..."

Just a humble suggestion I thought I would pass on, see if it helps any other writers out there pack a "1, 2 punch" in their writing as well.

Always Smiling,
Elizabeth West

Ed · Post by Ed » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:41 am

Thanks so much for posting this. I think it's a great advice.

Ed

jak · Post by **jak** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:42 am

hear, hear. Definite food for thought. Thanks.

Celeste Stewart · Post by **Celeste Stewart** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:49 am

Great advice!

Elizabeth Ann West · Post by **Elizabeth Ann West** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:53 am

Glad it helped Jak. You wouldn't believe the agony I had to sit through of classes entirely devoted to ONE SENTENCE!!!

Yes, one whole class period all we did was take the first sentence from our own writing, work in groups, and then "work together" to help each other make more of a punch!

What ensued was 3 clusters of desks of freshmen writers, debating over the use of the words "to", "the". and screaming take out the adjective! Now, to think back on it is hilarious, and look how it has stuck with me 8 years later.

If you are stuck trying to pare down a sentence, let me know, I'd be happy to help you "cut the fat."

jak · Post by **jak** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 1:25 am

Wow. That is so supportive. Thank you.

JD · Post by JD » Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:39 am

Thanks, Elizabeth. Great advice. Have just re-written the first sentence of two of my submissions along these guidelines. Will take it on board for the future, too.