The only difficulties I can see as a reader is you really make us work for it. I see what Ed means by this information is fascinating, but the flow of it is troublesome. This isn't mean to be harsh at all Melissa, I think your writing is great. I just think you are so deep in your own research, you can't see the places where you are making a reader "jump" to understand what you are trying to say.
Your first sentence is passive. Try making it active-- "Front porch conversations in Appalachia are reserved for the re-telling of tradition." Passive sentences make a reader double time it, they must read to the end of the sentence to find out the subject, and then frequently go back to the beginning to remind themselves what it relates to.
Your third sentence has two issues: it tries to cover too much ground and doesn't let the reader understand your conclusion. I understand you want to keep the imagery of reminiscing, but the image needs to be trimmed down a little so you can clarify what you mean by health clinics. An adjective here declaring health clinics to be modern medicine, or modern intrusions (As opposed to convenience
). Once I read about the licensed physicians, I sorta understood what you were trying to say about days before health clinics. Unfortunately, you don't want your reader to "get" something in the introduction at the end of the second paragraph.
Finally, I would outline the information you want to teach about Granny Witches. Then once the outline makes sense, either logically or chronologically, use it to dictate your paragraphs. It is a little awkward to handle the "end" of Granny witches in the second paragraph, and then in the third paragraph go on to define what they are. I would flip it. Maybe even lament the introduction of modern medicine at the end of the article.
Whenever possible, break your sentences up into smaller ones. They are far easier for a reader to digest, especially on an unfamiliar topic.
Please don't take offense to any of my suggestions, and feel free to ignore them all. I was just trying to help.
I can't wait to see the final article!
Always Smiling,
Elizabeth West
P.S. Strunk and White's Elements of Style can really help with the finer tuning of writing. For tips like the ones I listed above, I prefer John R. Trimble's "Writing with Style: Conversations on the Art of Writing." It's a little book, with a bit of a high price in my opinion, but invaluable to my writing. It gives examples, ways to improve every major section of nonfiction work, and is a pretty enjoyable read.
