I love this suggestion, and even though I do this, I guess I never actually realized that I did until you said something. Certainly, if you can express yourself more clearly while speaking, that's going to transfer into your writing.
It's also fun to pick another voice and try to write using that one.
Guide for Writing Concisely
Moderators: Celeste Stewart, Ed
Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Brevity is the soul of wit, so says the Hamlet character most inclined to long-windedness.
The article behind the original link could be summed up thus: "Avoid passive voice", but it's a good lesson in identifying such usage and eliminating it.
I'd add that meaningless intensives should be eliminated (very, quite, indeed, etc.) as should most adjectives and all adverbs. There are few constructs more graceful than a well-placed semi-colon; they also promote brevity.
The article behind the original link could be summed up thus: "Avoid passive voice", but it's a good lesson in identifying such usage and eliminating it.
I'd add that meaningless intensives should be eliminated (very, quite, indeed, etc.) as should most adjectives and all adverbs. There are few constructs more graceful than a well-placed semi-colon; they also promote brevity.
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Celeste Stewart
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Funny but true.
It's great practice to work on target word counts and conciseness. As you learn to chop away useless words, you'll learn to avoid them in the first place.
It's great practice to work on target word counts and conciseness. As you learn to chop away useless words, you'll learn to avoid them in the first place.
Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
When a cat flips his finger, he's really irritated.
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Celeste Stewart
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Argh, Ed, conciseness is bugging the heck out of me right now! I've challenged a super good sport (she knows who she is) to trim her writing. She's up for the task and doing great. I want the whole world to follow her lead. . .
Drowing in extra words,
Celeste
Drowing in extra words,
Celeste
Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
I'm wondering if it would be too much to ask to post a short "before" and "after"? It would be interesting to see the effects of this challenge.
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Celeste Stewart
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
I'm sure we could do a before and after excerpt. Doesn't even have to be from my good sport writer. I'd be happy to randomly pick an article of out of my own list and see how much more it could be cut. It'll be a while though as I'll be heading out on vacation shortly so I'll be scarce for a week or so.
But once I'm back, I'm up for the challenge and I'll put myself to task. Who else is up for scrutiny? Really, it's in our best interest to pursue conciseness which is why I don't mind tearing my own pieces to part publicly. :)
But once I'm back, I'm up for the challenge and I'll put myself to task. Who else is up for scrutiny? Really, it's in our best interest to pursue conciseness which is why I don't mind tearing my own pieces to part publicly. :)
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Elizabeth Ann West
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Good sport here...
While I can't really post excerpts due to licensing issues, I can say for a regular writing assignment where the guideline is 500 words, I was always giving 600-700+. Even today as I was writing a response about browser attacks, once I was finished it was a whopping 590 words! I just spent time chopping and reworking, and I have it down to 476 words. I will say that it is better with brevity. Plus the conciseness adds a higher level of quality, that while non-writers may not appreciate by name or acknowledgment, they do realize when a piece is easy to read and understand.
Oddly enough, it takes me longer to write less than to write more. How's that for a philosophical conundrum...All I can think of is that movie with Renee Zellweger where her Mom is dying and her author father always says "Less is more." Yeah, more work!
:) ad infinitem,
EAW
While I can't really post excerpts due to licensing issues, I can say for a regular writing assignment where the guideline is 500 words, I was always giving 600-700+. Even today as I was writing a response about browser attacks, once I was finished it was a whopping 590 words! I just spent time chopping and reworking, and I have it down to 476 words. I will say that it is better with brevity. Plus the conciseness adds a higher level of quality, that while non-writers may not appreciate by name or acknowledgment, they do realize when a piece is easy to read and understand.
Oddly enough, it takes me longer to write less than to write more. How's that for a philosophical conundrum...All I can think of is that movie with Renee Zellweger where her Mom is dying and her author father always says "Less is more." Yeah, more work!
:) ad infinitem,
EAW
Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
If you don't feel comfortable giving a brief excerpt from one of your articles, could you give another before/after example? I hate to press because I know you are busy, but I think examples would go a long way to help other authors understand what we're discussing. I have been referring authors who seem to have problems with conciseness to this thread. Everyone seems to be too shy to put their own writing up to the chopping block. Or maybe we could choose a short (under four-line) excerpt from a classic writer who needs a lesson on conciseness? Dickens? Tolstoy?
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Elizabeth Ann West
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Alright, I'm game.
Here is an excerpt from an article I am working on now. I wrote it a few days ago but at 557 words, I want to trim it down a little. Here is just the first paragraph...
Basic Input Output System (BIOS) is the computer code outside of installed software for the computer to function. When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive. In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable. (106 words)
Just looking at it: The first sentence is awkward and hard to understand. Here is an option I'm looking at....
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). (14 words)
That cuts 2 words, and rearranges the sentence so it is easier to understand. I flipped the sentence so the definition is before the word instead of the word before the definition. This makes more sense to me because starting with (BIOS) which I am assuming is an unfamiliar term to my audience, places the reader first in a place of confusion. The other first sentence gives a concept the reader can understand first (The computer code installed on the processor) and then brings in the unfamiliar term (BIOS).
Next sentence: When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it.
Let's see, do I really need "like a game" AND "Even a full operating system"? No. It's how I would talk to someone, but it dilutes the sentence's meaning too much.
Here is an excerpt from an article I am working on now. I wrote it a few days ago but at 557 words, I want to trim it down a little. Here is just the first paragraph...
Basic Input Output System (BIOS) is the computer code outside of installed software for the computer to function. When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive. In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable. (106 words)
Just looking at it: The first sentence is awkward and hard to understand. Here is an option I'm looking at....
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). (14 words)
That cuts 2 words, and rearranges the sentence so it is easier to understand. I flipped the sentence so the definition is before the word instead of the word before the definition. This makes more sense to me because starting with (BIOS) which I am assuming is an unfamiliar term to my audience, places the reader first in a place of confusion. The other first sentence gives a concept the reader can understand first (The computer code installed on the processor) and then brings in the unfamiliar term (BIOS).
Next sentence: When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it.
Let's see, do I really need "like a game" AND "Even a full operating system"? No. It's how I would talk to someone, but it dilutes the sentence's meaning too much.
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Elizabeth Ann West
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
<<Continued since we are restricted to 2000 characters lol>>
Looking at the second sentence further, I've decided I can just cut it in half. The important part is the second part:
The BIOS is also the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate software. (16 words)
Third sentence:
The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive.
For this sentence, I think I will cut hard disk. No one outside the computer world uses this term to refer to the hard drive, and my audience is for people who don't know much about the computers to receive it in an easy to understand and non threatening way. So I will substitute hard drive for hard disk, and cut the end off:
The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. (19 words)
Final sentence: In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable.
I want to link this sentence to the previous one, so I'm going to change the beginning to reuse my previous term "piece of memory hardware" and make readable and writable adjectives of flash memory chips like this:
In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. (18 words) Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips. (13 words)
Looking at the second sentence further, I've decided I can just cut it in half. The important part is the second part:
The BIOS is also the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate software. (16 words)
Third sentence:
The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive.
For this sentence, I think I will cut hard disk. No one outside the computer world uses this term to refer to the hard drive, and my audience is for people who don't know much about the computers to receive it in an easy to understand and non threatening way. So I will substitute hard drive for hard disk, and cut the end off:
The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. (19 words)
Final sentence: In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable.
I want to link this sentence to the previous one, so I'm going to change the beginning to reuse my previous term "piece of memory hardware" and make readable and writable adjectives of flash memory chips like this:
In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. (18 words) Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips. (13 words)
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Elizabeth Ann West
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
So in conclusion:
This is what we started with:
Basic Input Output System (BIOS) is the computer code outside of installed software for the computer to function. When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive. In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable
Remember 106 words...
This is what I ended up with:
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). The BIOS is also the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate software. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
Ta DA!!!!! 81 words!!!!!
As a final edit, I would probably change the beginnings of the 2nd and 3rd sentences somehow since it drives me nuts to have two sentences with the same beginnings like that close together. So my finale product might look like this:
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). It also pulls double duty: the computer uses the BIOS for a core set or rules to execute software. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
It adds 2 words and much needed variation to my first paragraph.
All of this is my personal editing strategy...
This is what we started with:
Basic Input Output System (BIOS) is the computer code outside of installed software for the computer to function. When you install any program onto the computer, like a game, or even a full operating system, the BIOS is the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate it. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not the hard disk, also known as the hard drive. In the past, the BIOS was located on a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor, however computer systems now use flash memory chips, which are readable and writable
Remember 106 words...
This is what I ended up with:
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). The BIOS is also the core set of rules the computer uses to execute and manipulate software. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
Ta DA!!!!! 81 words!!!!!
As a final edit, I would probably change the beginnings of the 2nd and 3rd sentences somehow since it drives me nuts to have two sentences with the same beginnings like that close together. So my finale product might look like this:
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). It also pulls double duty: the computer uses the BIOS for a core set or rules to execute software. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
It adds 2 words and much needed variation to my first paragraph.
All of this is my personal editing strategy...
Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
Okay. Wow. Thanks, EAW. We just saw inside your head. How do you feel about that?
Personally, I liked the examples you gave of programs that could be installed onto a computer. They further illustrate and clarify. I think the initial execution of the examples was somewhat cumbersome, but that could be corrected easily. Besides that, I think the excerpt is really more readable and digestible.
I hope you are enjoying Celeste's challenge. Maybe you will set an example for others who have hesitated to set themselves to the task. Thanks so much for taking the time to share step-by-step.
Ed
Personally, I liked the examples you gave of programs that could be installed onto a computer. They further illustrate and clarify. I think the initial execution of the examples was somewhat cumbersome, but that could be corrected easily. Besides that, I think the excerpt is really more readable and digestible.
I hope you are enjoying Celeste's challenge. Maybe you will set an example for others who have hesitated to set themselves to the task. Thanks so much for taking the time to share step-by-step.
Ed
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Elizabeth Ann West
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Re: Guide for Writing Concisely
How about this:
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). It also pulls double duty: the computer uses the BIOS for a core set or rules to execute software. This includes all software, from games you install to the full operating system like Windows, that the manufacturer installed. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
The examples are back, but I'm back up to 102 words.....
I could try "The rules apply to the user installed software, like games, and even the operating system, like Windows." It's shorter and keeps the examples too.... bring it down to 100 words.
I would point out that editing can go on forever.... and one thing all writers have to balance is productivity with creativity. As a writer, I could come up with half a dozen or more ways to write a paragraph covering the same information. That's my job! :) However, this doesn't always make great business sense for the lower priced articles if it interferes with my overall writing schedule. This took a long time to type out, but when I actually do these types of edits I usually spend about 15-20 minutes per 500 words. Ctrl-Z is your editing friend!!! I don't know how many times I've deleted a sentence to work on it, only to forget what the original said!
Too bad we don't get pennies for posts lol..... :) Just kidding!
The computer code to start hardware is called the Basic Input Output System (BIOS). It also pulls double duty: the computer uses the BIOS for a core set or rules to execute software. This includes all software, from games you install to the full operating system like Windows, that the manufacturer installed. The BIOS is located on a piece of memory hardware inside the computer, but not on the hard drive. In the past, this piece of memory was a ROM (Read Only Memory) chip attached to the processor. Today, computer systems hold the BIOS on readable and writable flash memory chips.
The examples are back, but I'm back up to 102 words.....
I could try "The rules apply to the user installed software, like games, and even the operating system, like Windows." It's shorter and keeps the examples too.... bring it down to 100 words.
I would point out that editing can go on forever.... and one thing all writers have to balance is productivity with creativity. As a writer, I could come up with half a dozen or more ways to write a paragraph covering the same information. That's my job! :) However, this doesn't always make great business sense for the lower priced articles if it interferes with my overall writing schedule. This took a long time to type out, but when I actually do these types of edits I usually spend about 15-20 minutes per 500 words. Ctrl-Z is your editing friend!!! I don't know how many times I've deleted a sentence to work on it, only to forget what the original said!
Too bad we don't get pennies for posts lol..... :) Just kidding!