help with wording in long sentence

[BethFields]

Hello all, I'm in need of some critique help. I've tried and just can't make this sentence flow...some help or suggestions would be welcome.

At least 150 interviewees regularly concealed excessive internet use, and 145 respondents used the internet when they felt depressed or moody.

I realize that it is a compound sentence and I could make it two, but I can't decide if the word, interviewees or the word, respondents should be used? I have a tendency to use overcomplicated wording when I should make it simpler. Help!

[BarryDavidson]

Are we talking 145 of the 150 interviewees, or two separate groups?

"At least 150 interviewees regularly concealed excessive internet use, and 145 of those used the internet when they felt depressed or moody." If it's the first. If it's the second, split it into two sentences.

[BethFields]

Hi Barry,
It's two separate groups. I can split it into two sentences, but the meaning still seems diluted and choppy to me. There has to be a better way to state the facts and I'm just not seeing it.

At least 150 interviewees regularly concealed excessive internet use. 145 respondents used the internet when they felt depressed or moody.

Thanks for the help.

[Amy W]

I'd try something along the lines of -

Of the 1000 respondents interviewed, 150 regularly concealed their excessive internet use, while 145 admitted using the internet when they felt depressed or moody.

This way, you can just avoid the two sentences altogether, which I agree were a bit choppy.

[BethFields]

Hi Amy,
I did finally decide to use something similar to what you put.

They also found that 150 respondents regularly concealed excessive internet use and 145 respondents admitted to using the internet when they felt depressed or moody.

While it's still a long sentence, at least it flows better. Thanks for your input!

[Celeste Stewart]

They also found that 150 respondents regularly concealed excessive Internet use and another 145 admitted to using the Internet when feeling depressed or moody.

(According to the AP Stylebook, the word "Internet" is capitalized).

[BethFields]

Hi Celeste,
Of course, (doh!) I overlooked the capitalization of Internet. Thanks for catching that. I had it correct in my article though!

[BarryDavidson]

I never capitalize the word internet, except when it begins a sentence. I know that spell checkers don't like the word, but I wasn't aware it was supposed to be that way still. I don't much listen to them anyway. After all, ain't is now in the dictionary. All those years of near torture - teachers nearly going off the deep end to keep us from saying or writing it, and now it's okay to use it.

I stopped reading the style-books when I started finding so many errors in newspapers and online articles. Not to mention that so many of the style-books contradict each other. Even published books have more errors now than they used to. (I do wish I could find errors like that in my own work however.)

[Celeste Stewart]

Even if you disagree with the AP Style Guide and Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, as a proper noun, the word "Internet" should be capitalized.

[BarryDavidson]

[quote="Celeste Stewart"]Even if you disagree with the AP Style Guide and Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, as a proper noun, the word "Internet" should be capitalized.[/quote]

You might be the only person I've seen (or heard of) who still does so. I only capitalize it when it is actually in the context of a proper noun, or when it begins a sentence. Most of the other sites and magazines I've looked through in recent years do the same. It must be one of those things like exposition in creative writing - publishers don't care, therefore discourage it.

[Celeste Stewart]

I must be old-fashioned then but I don't think I'm the only one left who still capitalizes the word "Internet." I must have an old-fashioned newspaper and my magazine choices must be hopelessly out of date as well. I was reading an article on Slate.com this morning and wouldn't you know it, they're out of touch, too. :) Oh well, off I go to the Smithsonian (or is it smithsonian?) to check out the relics of the past. . .

[BarryDavidson]

Ohhh... I wasn't poking fun at ya. Just an observation about the word. I just hadn't realized that since the internet is such a broad "concept" now that it was still a requirement to capitalize it. In other words, it's not exactly a trademarked word anymore. Perhaps I'm not explaining myself right. (Still getting used to this laptop with Vista and Word 2007.)

I mean, when the DOD first developed the Internet (and then released it to the general public), there was only one INTERNET in all practical terms. This is an interesting subject though. It may not be as interesting as the death of the comma, ellipses and colon, but it could be made into an article if worded correctly.

[Celeste Stewart]

I thought Al Gore invented it :)

[BarryDavidson]

[quote="Celeste Stewart"]I thought Al Gore invented it :)[/quote]


He only wishes he did. His carbon footprint is too large to accommodate such insight.

[ddaniels]

What? Al Gore didn't invent the Internet? I'm crushed!Wow! Really makes me wonder about all this global warming thing...
(Just poking fun) ;-)