Clarity

[Celeste Stewart]

I just heard Larry King say, "Coming up, Michael Jackson's doctor speaks out for the first time since his death" and thought that was an excellent example of a clarity issue. OMG, Michael Jackson's doctor died, too? And now he's speaking from the grave? Yes, we all know Larry King meant that Jackson's doctor spoke out for the first time since Michael Jackson's death but the wording isn't clear. When the subjects are lesser known than MJ and his doctor, little issues like this can be easily misinterpreted - and lead to a CC rejection notice for either clarity or word choice. If you get a clarity/word choice rejection, look at the overall organization of the article as well as the nuances of each sentence. Take a big picture/little picture look at the article and see if your article is clear and well-organized. From there, check to see if it has doctors talking from the grave for the first time.

[Ed]

This is an excellent example of a sentence that isn't clear - thanks!

I think it would be helpful to post more examples like these. Anyone have another to share?

[Ed]

Zabrina recently improved an article for clarity. Zabrina, if you're reading this thread, can you give us some examples of what you looked for and how you made these improvements?

[Zabrina]

*comes out of the shadows* Of course I'm reading this thread... I think I'm addicted to CC's forums now.

I first read over my article from the point of view of an outsider. I hadn't really been that happy with the intro, so I rewrote that first.

Then, I read over my points. I used the word "it" a little too often, or simply didn't write as much as I should have.

For example: "Particularly in online education, effective communication is the only way to maintain positive relationships with teachers and students. Students in online courses often communicate more with both."

Both what? Courses? Students? Yes, it might be obvious if you reread the sentence before it, but a reader shouldn't have to do that.

I eliminated the second sentence and tightened up the first.

"Some people seem to think that since it’s online, they can get away with snide remarks or a condescending attitude."

Since what's online? Attitude towards what? I made it more clear that I meant the class being online, and where the condescending attitude was displayed.

I made some other little tweaks to the article and rewrote bits of it, and it was accepted on my second try.

[Ed]

As a reader, these were some of the questions that I had when I was reading the article. These issues might seem small, but when there are too many problems with clarity in an article, the overall value of the piece degrades. Once you identified and eliminated problems with ambiguity, I was able to read the piece through without distraction - and the customer (and the future web audience) will be able to, too.

You make an excellent point about how the reader shouldn't have to guess the author's meaning.

Thank you for sharing. I hope you didn't feel put on the spot.

"Clarity" is one of the top reasons reasons why articles are rejected. I would like to keep this discussion going. How do other writers edit for clarity? What process do you use to help you convey your message effectively? Do you feel making clear statements gets easier over time, or do you continually struggle with this issue?

Ed

[audrabianca]

,,,

[Zabrina]

I appreciate having an editor during times like this! I know I sometimes have little problems like this that sneak into my writing that it's hard to catch. I didn't feel too put on the spot, nope. Hopefully it'll help people with problems similar to mine!

Another thing that I think is important to note -- I used to struggle more with keeping my statements clear and concise, and while I still slip off the wagon sometimes (like yesterday!), overall, it does get easier over time.

[Celeste Stewart]

One of the reasons clarity issues sometimes baffle a writer is because the sentence makes sense to the writer. For example, a writer might know the background information but if he doesn't share that information with the reader, the sentence might not be clear. When the writer reads the article or sentence, it will still make sense to him because he knows the background info. The tip to read the article from an outsider's perspective is a good one.

Also, I look for words like "some things" and "some people." Take a sentence like "Some people are worried about someone stealing their things." Huh? Upscale homeowners are worried about burglars stealing their jewelry. Car dealers worry about thieves stealing windshield wipers off of their cars. Schoolchildren worry about bullies stealing their milk money.

Do a search for the words "some" and "thing" and you might be surprised how often you use these vague words. Replace with specific examples and not only will the sentence be clearer, it will be more interesting. It will also be more likely to engage the reader.

[Zabrina]

Oh, that's an excellent point about too-frequent repetition of words! For those who are more visually-oriented and would like to see which words they might overuse, try this neat little application:

http://www.wordle.net

I pasted in a few articles of mine and was shocked to see a few words like "just" coming up way too often! For a week after that, I set up Word to autocorrect "just" to "JUST" so it would jump out at me when I used it. I taught myself to use that word more carefully, and it might just (couldn't resist ) work well for you, too!

[Debbi]

Hey, that wordle site is great! Besides showing you if you're overusing words, it can point out keyword possibilities. For example, I pasted in a business article I am working on and the biggest words were "business", "entrepreneur", "idea", and "technology"--just what I was hoping they would be.

Thanks for the link, Z

Debbi

[Zabrina]

No problem! I like using it for keywords too, but I prefer this site: http://textalyser.net It takes a bit of figuring out, but it can give you readability statistics, syllables per word, the length (in words) of the longest sentence, and which sentence it is... many fun tools to play with.

[Celeste Stewart]

Ooh, I like Wordle! I love the images and it looks like you can use them as you please - perfect for writer's blogs! Fun. Just ran a set of pages I'm working on about kitchen cabinets and the image with the words looks neat. It has all the major words including the contractor's name, cabinet brands, communities served, etc.

Cool tip about auto formatting a troublesome word.

[Ed]

All of these suggestions are super. Thanks to all who have contributed so far.

Eliminating problems with clarity can also be accomplished by stripping out colloquial phrases and cliches that have lost their meaning. It's also important, when you insert parenthetical element in the middle of a sentence, to surround it with commas.

If you have some more thoughts on this topic, please share!

Ed

[Lysis]

I have a problem with "that." I don't know if anyone else frequents writers.net, but they have a forum that is filled with editors. It's the only writers' group I know that is mostly editors. If you really want to know what peeves editors, read that forum. I learned to cut out a lot of the "that" problems by re-reading the sentence without "that" and deciding if it makes sense.

I learned a neat trick to find passive voice from a writer on the DS forums. If you can end the sentence with "by <name>" then it's probably passive voice. Things like this are helpful for people like me who took our writing courses first in college to get them over with so we can get to the cool science stuff. LOL

I also try my hardest to read it from the outsider's view, but like Celeste said, I know the topic. After my long hiatus, I went back to an old article that I pulled from the queue from frustration. Since I read it so long after writing it, it really helped me pick out the bad sentences. I have some articles now that I really want to submit, but I'm forcing myself to wait a few days before proofing. I strongly suggest holding off and just let the article sit for at least a day. You'll make the proofing process a hell of a lot easier.

[Celeste Stewart]

Sometimes I have trouble with prepositions such as "on" versus "in." Like just now, I wrote "... is led by a certified instructor who appears on a series of self-paced training videos." I knew right away that "on" didn't feel quite right. What helps me is to visualize the sentence. I imagined the instructor standing "on" a pile of videotapes and quickly changed "on" to "in." (Of course now I'm visualizing a "honey I shrunk the kids" instructor trying to free himself from the confines of these same tapes - Me and my overactive imagination!)