Constructive Criticism Thread

[Ed]

I encourage you look around at your favorite respected sources on the web or in print. You'll notice that titles are never surrounded by quotation marks unless a title that requires quotation marks is being discusses in a larger context as a part of a review, critical response, synopsis, or other type of article.

Thanks,
Ed

[Lor]

I agree about the quotations and that's why they weren't used to begin with. Insecurity had me questioning every element, and over-analyzing. I'll add the colon in two-line titles from now on. As I said, I write elsewhere in a way that doesn't require it. The colon is automatic when published and should not be added to the doc. I'll remember to switch gears.

Thank you Celeste and Ed for the quick help.
Lorraine

[Celeste Stewart]

By the way, if your article doesn't already mention rosemary, I can tell you firsthand that bees love it! We have a huge bank of rosemary along the side of our yard and it is always buzzing with activity. None of us have ever been stung in 15 years either (even though the dogs are always romping in it, the kids always playing next to it, and I'm always picking sprigs to cook with).

[Lor]

Hi Celeste,
I love rosemary,and keep it in pots, but it's a tender perennial and grown as an annual here, or kept in pots and brought in for the winter. Lucky you. And the side door's the handiest spot, isn't it? I keep sage, chives and thyme within easy reach.

I've mentioned 30 or 40 plants, I think, but wanted to keep the list universal, as is the World Wide Web. In other words, they are plants that will grow in most garden zones, at least in Canada, the US, Europe and the UK. Rosemary won't, so I didn't list it. That being said, I've just added it as a tender perennial herb, in your honor. <gr>

[ideas101]

Great post!!! looking forward on sharing my expertise and learning new ideas here at the same time..I'll see you around guys...Make it a GREAT DAY!!!

***URL Removed by moderator********

[GyZ]

Hello,

here is a short summary of an article I got a rejection for, as it contains grammar errors. Please help me by drawing my attention to these flaws in this sequence.

"Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, it is much more important to do the right things than getting very good at doing the wrong things. This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with focus kept on methods that require nothing more than commitment and a little bit of patience."

[Celeste Stewart]

Here's the discussion GyZ has posted on the above:
http://www.constant-content.com/forum/v ... 12&t=18564

[Sile]

I know I can't mess this up again or I am not going to be accepted, so if someone could help, I'd greatly appreciate it. I tried several ways, and I think this is ok, but now I've lost some confidence.

Please tell me - where do the commas go?

Income limits are also used to determine your eligibility for Medicaid. These limits vary depending on your household size. Pensions, veteran's benefits, wages, spouse's income, dividends, and interest are included in the income calculation, while other income such as SSI, TANF, food stamps, foster care payments, subsidized housing or utility payments, Low Income Energy Assistance Program (LIEAP), or weatherization payments are not. Also used in conjunction with household size are resources you have available to you such as cash, bank accounts, some trust funds, income, life insurance, non-resident property, and stocks. Your home and one vehicle are not counted in the resource calculation.

The sentence most in question is highlighted.

[SuzanneBosworth]

I'm pretty new here, but I'm inclined to think that the reason it reads a little difficult is because it's a huge block of words, and the inclusions and non-inclusions are a bit tricky to follow. You could try separating it out to make it easy for the reader to follow. How about this:

Income limits are also used to determine your eligibility for Medicaid. These limits vary depending on your household size and the following will be included in the income calculation:

Pensions
Veteran's benefits
Wages
Income
Spouse's income
Dividends
Stocks
Interest
Cash
Bank accounts
Life insurance
Some trust funds
Non-resident property

Not included in the income calculation:

Your home and one vehicle
SSI
TANF
Food stamps
Foster care payments
Subsidized housing or utility payments
Low Income Energy Assistance Program (LIEAP)
Weatherization payments

It's all set out then and someone can just check them off the list. I'd give them bullet points too but didn't know how to do that on the menu bar

[4rumid]

I agree with Suzanne and I like using lists to solve the problem. One very minor tweak -- I'd change the first sentences a little:

Income limits are also used to determine your eligibility for Medicaid, and they vary depending on your household size. The following assets are included in the income calculation:

[not sure if "assets" is the right word, but you get the idea]

[Sile]

That's a good idea. Can we do that? And do bullet points from Word upload ok and stay formatted?

[4rumid]

Can we do what? Re bullet points: I was going to mention that -- I'm not sure the formatting is preserved. Probably better to play it safe and not use bullets (use numbers, unformatted; or nothing), but you might want to post that question in the Question and Answer forum.

[SuzanneBosworth]

Income limits are also used to determine your eligibility for Medicaid, and they vary depending on your household size. The following assets are included in the income calculation:

[not sure if "assets" is the right word, but you get the idea]

Yes, I like that much better. Ties in with the second sub heading then. I think assets is the right word, too. Fab!

[Sile]

Thank you all so much. re:can we do what? I meant construct lists. I didn't know we could make lists. That certainly does solve the problem. My other thought was to just split it into two sentences but it sounded rather clunky to me. I'll try this and hope for the best.

[simonkagwe]

Hi guys,

Consider the following sentence from a World Cup-related article I'm working on (not the actual sentence in my article. I usually avoid posting the actual content to avoid being accused of plagiarism in future as posts eventually get indexed by search engines ) :
The stadium will host Uganda vs. Korea (on 22 June); Pandora vs. Australia (on 13 June); Pluto vs. Japan (on 19 June); Portugal vs. Uranus (on 25 June); the “round of 18” match between the winner of Group Z and the runners-up of Group Y (on 28 June); and one semi-final on 20 July.

My concerns are:
- Much has been said about the use of the semicolon in this forum, but I believe the semicolon may be used where the listed items contain other forms of punctuation (parentheses in this case) other than commas. Am I correct on that one?
- I've used "runners-up" to denote the team that will finish in second place in Group Y. Since it is one team (albeit with 11 players), should I use "runner-up" instead?

I'll really appreciate your responses to my queries.