Before Third Strike

[GyZ]

Hello,

I sent two articles and forgot to include the short summaries. When I corrected this, it turned out that one of the short summaries have grammar problems, while the other article contains grammar spikes in its body. I have no consecutive chance of epically failing and surviving, as a subsequent rejection would suspend me. Here are the sentences that caused the rejections, I ask the help of a grammatically more competent forum visitor to draw my attention to their flaws.

"Being aware of the hidden Spell Combinations offered by the game will let you select spells with an agenda, let alone how this knowledge increases your efficiency in the toughest collisions."

Maybe it should be:
"...let alone how this knowledge will increase your efficiency in the toughest collisions..."?

And the other sentence, sequence rather with grammar error in it:

"Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, it is much more important to do the right things than getting very good at doing the wrong things. This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with focus kept on methods that require nothing more than commitment and a little bit of patience."

Help me, you can have beer, gratitude, or both from me.

[Celeste Stewart]

I'll tackle the first sentence:

"Being aware of the hidden Spell Combinations offered by the game will let you select spells with an agenda, let alone how this knowledge increases your efficiency in the toughest collisions."

This sentence needs to be reconstructed. I wouldn't capitalize "spell combinations" and I'm not sure if "collisions" is the best word choice (unless it's a term used in the game).

Awareness of the game's hidden spell combinations allows you to select spells with an agenda. This knowledge also gives you an advantage in battles.

[GyZ]

Thank you for your reply. I thought "collisions" gave an acceptable stylistic touch to the sentence, but it probably is better to dismiss such aspirations to solidify clarity.

The grammar errors in the second sequence still linger in shadows, in my reality. Anyone seeing it?
(Not my reality - the errors in the second sequence.)

[GyZ]

I thought it would be better to quote the sequence in the Constructive Criticism thread, but I am confused, as I can't find a New Topic option there, and I do not want to interrupt any ongoing contemplations. What is the general method there? Should I press "Post reply" and deliver my problem-sentence?

[Celeste Stewart]

Just click "Post Reply"


I assume the following is your short summary?

"Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, it is much more important to do the right things than getting very good at doing the wrong things. This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with focus kept on methods that require nothing more than commitment and a little bit of patience."

The first part of sentence #1 doesn't really go with the second part. The time it takes doesn't relate to the importance of doing it right the way the sentence is currently constructed. Also, the word "things" is extremely vague. What things?

Here's what I would do:
Generating relevant traffic to your Web sites takes time. In addition, it is important to focus on strategies that lead to quality traffic rather than those that don't.

The second sentence (This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with focus kept on methods that require nothing more than commitment and a little bit of patience) can use a little cleaning up:

This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with**** the/a*** focus kept on methods that require nothing *** I'd go with 'little' ***more than commitment and *** I"d drop 'a little bit of' ***** patience
This article introduces you to five methods to increase Web traffic with each requiring little more than commitment and patience.

Or:
Use the following five tips, each requiring little more than commitment and patience, to increase Web traffic.

[GyZ]

I do not think that the term "thing" sounds too vague in this context and here is why:

A "thing" here refers to any action(s) one can exhibit to accomplish the goal of traffic generation, and these "things"/actions necessarily do take time, as does performing any action - thus connection between "thing" and time is constructed.

I really don't grasp what the asterisks do mean in your second suggestion, but I remain curious. Thank you for the variant you feel more efficient. Nevertheless, these seem more like subjective evaluations as opposed of errors of a grammatic nature, or am I mistaken? I appreciate your input.

[Ed]

"Thing" or "things" is always a vague word and should always be replaced with a more descriptive term.

The suggestions Celeste made both made the excerpt more clear and eliminated grammar errors.

Thank you,
Ed

[Celeste Stewart]

"Things" won't necessarily trigger a rejection in this single sentence. However, the more specific you can be with each sentence, the less likely clarity will be an issue overall. Picking stronger words such as "actions" or "strategies" over "things" will make your piece stronger overall. Sometimes a thing is just a thing, but the more you can define what that thing is, the better.

Also, it's not that the time and doing things aren't related, but rather the word choice and current construction don't work to create a cohesive sentence. It doesn't make sense in its current form. This can be fixed in many ways.

Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, it is much more important to do the right things than getting very good at doing the wrong things.

Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, it is much more important to _____ than it is to worry about how long it takes.

Though generating relevant traffic to your websites takes time, that time is best spent focusing on actions that. . .
Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, you can get the most out of your efforts by. . .
Though generating relevant traffic to your websites usually takes time, the results are worth waiting for.
Generating relevant traffic to your website usually takes time. In addition to patience, it is important to. . .

In the other section, the asterisks mean that I'm suggesting either an "a" or "the" before focus.

(Original: This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with focus kept on methods that. . .)

This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with a focus on methods that. . .
This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, focusing on methods that. . .
This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, with an emphasis on methods that. . .
This article gives you 5 tips to increase web traffic, each of which focus on. . .

As far as grammar, here's another one:

it is much more important to do the right things than getting very good at doing the wrong things

The verbs don't match (to do / getting): ". . . it is much more important **to do** the right things than **to get / to become** very good at doing the wrong things"

[GyZ]

The term "things" indeed should be eliminated. "Action", "actions" come to mind. I'm still not sure about the sequence that qualifies as a grammar error in this excerpt though, but I will heed your related advice and will refrain from submitting this article without giving it the intent eyeballs - sorry about that - lata'. Thank you for both of you for the input.

[GyZ]

Celeste, I notice you delivered a thorough analyzation while I was writing my earlier response. Thank you for this, I will inspect it with great attention as it seems to be exactly what I was looking for: the little things to give one away. Thank you again.

[Celeste Stewart]

You're welcome. I'll take that beer you mentioned earlier

[GyZ]

[Celeste Stewart]

One more thought about "things" struck me last night: SEO.


"strategies that lead to quality traffic" vs "do the right things" - Clarity and grammar aside, which do you think is stronger from a search engine optimization point of view?

[GyZ]

A precise point, especially considering how an article with this title should aspire to draw traffic via its own existence. The topic indeed is grateful for elegantly positioned keyword-efficiency, as your example clearly shows how to form luscious musculature out of a saddening "thing" - alternative definition: open wound - that stained my original short summary. Must admit that the topic is not tolerant of vagueness and related "things" at all, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to convince you and Ed of the opposite. I will come up with a refined variant of the text later on. Thank you, you have been very helpful.