Constructive Criticism Thread

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Sile
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Location: Roughly Chicago

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Sile »

I usually try substituting a pronoun for the subject and eliminating all extraneous material, then reading it to see how it sounds. In your case, you simply must match plural or singular. If you use "winner" you must use "runner-up" as opposed to runners-up. The winners are also a team of 11 players and should not be treated differently than the losers. :wink:

BTW, for those that helped me by constructing the list, I , when re-reading the revision request, that the problem was not the punctuation but a misspelling in the second to the last line of the article. I retained the long sentence because I believe I made it past that test and was just being overly cautious. I'll let you know how it goes if I don't get rejected outright.

Thanks.
4rumid
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by 4rumid »

Hi simon,

I agree with sile about "runner-up."

As for the semicolons, you're ok with commas. The point of the semicolon vs comma rule is to avoid ambiguity, which you don't have with parentheses. Also, don't forget to use parens in the last phrase, "one semi-final (on 20 July)." Also also, one option you have with those dates is to keep "on 22 June" for the first event, then just use the date itself in the subsequent events (no "on").

Sile, good luck with that submission! (I still like the lists, though . . . . :) )
simonkagwe
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Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:58 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by simonkagwe »

Thanks guys. It's just that the sentence didn't sound right when I read it aloud, and I was wondering whether I should change it to "the winners of Group Z and the runners-up of Group Y".

Thanks for the clarification on the semicolon, 4rumid.
cathleengarvey
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:31 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by cathleengarvey »

Hello everyone, quick question,

nerve-racking or nerve-wracking? I've searched on the web and both seem to be acceptable but is one more so than the other? Thanks.
aprilk10
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by aprilk10 »

Hi Cathleen! My Webster's New World Thesaurus lists nerve-racking, but not nerve-wracking. Additionally, racking, but not wracking. Traditionally, racking, in my opinion is the correct spelling. Alternatively, you could use wearisome, difficult, exhausting, etc.! :D Hope that helped some!
cathleengarvey
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Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:31 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by cathleengarvey »

Thanks for the help, that was driving me crazy!!!
simonkagwe
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:58 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by simonkagwe »

Hi everyone,

A quick question: how should I capitalize hyphenated words in a title? Should I have "Re-tweet" or Re-Tweet", "Non-offensive" or "Non-Offensive"?
Evelyn
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Evelyn »

I'd capitalize the second word, as in:

Re-Tweet Your Non-Offensive Grammar Suggestions

Alternatively, you could use inoffensive and not have the hyphen in there at all. I've seen some writing sites also write retweet, because tweeting is becoming an acceptable word and I guess people retweet stuff. Personally, I'm not a twit...
simonkagwe
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:58 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by simonkagwe »

Thanks Evelyn.

I used "retweet" instead of "retweet" because I realised that that's the often used form of the word (based on online searches). I used "Non-offensive" without capitalising "offensive", since some online style guides I read suggested not capitalising the second unit of a hyphenated word "if it is a participle modifying the first element or both elements constitute a single word". The article was accepted, so guess I was on the right track.

Thanks again :)
cathleengarvey
Posts: 33
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:31 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by cathleengarvey »

Hi, me again!

Is this sentence correct?

"Even if our journey ends in failure the simple act of trying will lead to an infinite number of possibilities that would never have been available if we did not make the effort."

I think there may be a problem with the tense because it reads 'will lead' and then 'would never' in the same sentence. Is this a problem or am I scrutinizing it too much?

Thanks
Debbi
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Location: New Mexico

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Debbi »

I think "could" sounds better than "will" here. A comma goes after the "if" clause. I'd avoid using "we" if "you" works as well to avoid any chance of first person POV rejections.

"Even if your journey ends in failure, the simple act of trying could lead to an infinite number of possibilities that would never have been available if you did not make the effort."

or "if no effort was made"
4rumid
Posts: 264
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by 4rumid »

Debbi wrote: . . . if you did not make the effort."

or "if no effort was made"
I'd stick with the active voice ("if you didn't make the effort").
Evelyn
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Evelyn »

Even if your journey ends in failure, simply trying brings infinite possibilities, if you make the effort.

Plus it has nice poetic qualities when read aloud.

17 words as opposed to 33 (with no punctuation! Ack), and the words are longer so the sentence reads smoothly. Always try to eliminate the little words and change verb tenses and modifiers to read right. Back in college we used to keep red sharpies around to mark each "A [of] B" construction, as in "act [of] trying" and "number [of] possibilities". And I am always irritated by article writers (thousands of them) who refuse to use contractions--why not say wouldn't have and didn't? I'm not picking on you, just pet-peeving.

Now, if you were to read some of my academic writing, you'd never believe I'm a poet. :D
cathleengarvey
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Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:31 am

Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by cathleengarvey »

Wow, many different options to choose from! All better than mine, thanks guys!
Antonia
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Re: Constructive Criticism Thread

Post by Antonia »

Here's one more opinion...:)
Get rid of "if you make the effort."
The double "if" is distracting and weakens the sentence..."trying" is the same thing as "making an effort," so you are essentially saying, "Simply trying brings infinite possibilities if you try," which is redundant!

IMHO, the sentence has more impact as," Even if your journey ends in failure, simply trying brings infinite possibilities."
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