New Author- Article Rejected?

[shirleyprime]

I am a new author on this site and after posting an article (for a public request), I received an email saying it was rejected. The title of the article is "Baby Wipes are Going Green." The email listed "grammatical" errors as the reason for rejection, but after combing the article again I did not find any such errors. I do not want to re-submit the article until I have figured this out. (I have already read and re-read all the submission guidelines and FAQ's.)

[BarryDavidson]

Shirley,

It could be something as simple at too/two/to, or there/their/they're, or your/you're. Then and than are also commonly used in the wrong place. Everyone misses things. Perhaps getting someone else to go over it, or waiting several days to take a fresh look at the article will help.

[shirleyprime]

Thank you Barry. I looked again at the article focusing on the things you mentioned, and again found no errors. I have also had two people (one a former teacher) look over it. I am still bewildered as to the cause of the rejection, but I am grateful that you took the time to offer your suggestions. Thank you,

[jadedragon]

Maybe Ed will chime in with more guidance. Try a different article - I got to the point on one I could not see the issue so I put it up on an ad revenue sharing site where it does well for me.

[BarryDavidson]

Shirley,

Do you use the Queen's English with Americanese? Do you have any extra long sentences, or otherwise "local" lingo? Colloquialisms have gotten me into trouble in the past on other sites. Specifically, I love to use clichés. Luckily Ed doesn't have a bias against them as long as they're used in the proper context (and not used over and over again in the same article).

[Celeste Stewart]

There are so many "grammar error" possibilities (run ons, clarity, subject-verb agreement, pronoun use, punctuation, sentence structure, awkward phrases, weird capitalizations, etc.,) that it's impossible to guess. If you want to post a paragraph or short excerpt (not the whole article because of Google indexing concerns), we may be able to spot potential trouble spots. Fresh eyes. . .

[shirleyprime]

The paragraph below is the introduction for the article that was rejected. In response to your suggestions, I do tend to write long sentences but I am always careful to check and re-check for structural errors. Any suggestions are welcome since I am more concerned about becoming a better writing and garnishing experience than earning freelance income. (Although the latter is a personal goal as well.)

In an economy infused with innovations that save money, reduce waste, and monitor environmental impact, the Earth movement has its green thumbs in everything. From natural food, toothpaste, and vitamins to recycled clothes. Little has remained untouched by our planet conscious culture. Excitedly, the movement has expanded once again as green parents rebel against baby waste. How? Disposable diapers are history and money saving cloth diapers are back in action. Along with cloth diapers, another popular sidekick has emerged. Home made wipes are the newest green baby innovation. Inexpensive, customizable and Earth conscious, home made wipes are becoming a staple of green parents.

[Lysis]

Here is what my n00b eyes found:

" In an economy infused with innovations that save money, reduce waste, and monitor environmental impact, the Earth movement has its green thumbs in everything. "

Kinda awkward. I'd rephrase it.

"From natural food, toothpaste, and vitamins to recycled clothes."

That's a fragment.


*Edit: sheeeesh, I did a grammar boo-boo correcting the grammar boo-boos. I'll shut up now.

[Debbi]

The most glaring structural error is the incomplete sentence that Lysis pointed out.

I think "Home made" is one word - "homemade".

In the first sentence you use the serial comma (this, this, and this), but in the last sentence you don't (this, this and this). Either are acceptable here but you have to be consistent in the way you use (or don't use) serial commas.

Some of the word choices are puzzling. "green thumbs" conjures up gardening concepts when you're trying to talk about conservation. Maybe use "green fingers" instead? I agree with Lysis that the first sentence needs a rewrite. Also "Excitedly" doesn't seem to belong there. I'd choose something other than "sidekicks" to introduce the homemade wipes. Alos, describing cloth diapers as "money-saving" doesn't seem to fit. "Environmentally-friendly" or something seems closer to your focus.

Take what you like and leave the rest

Debbi

[jowal]

Hi Shirley

I'm taking a break from content writing but saw your posting en route to buckling down for a few months to really get my fiction work back on track, however, anything will divert me, so I couldn't resist having a go at rewriting your 1st paragraph. ...hope you don't mind !

I agree with Debbie on all of her points re your opening paragraph, but here's my two pence-worth.

[quote] In an economy infused with innovations that save money, reduce waste, and monitor environmental impact, the Earth movement has its green thumbs in everything. From natural food, toothpaste, and vitamins to recycled clothes. Little has remained untouched by our planet conscious culture. Excitedly, the movement has expanded once again as green parents rebel against baby waste. How? Disposable diapers are history and money saving cloth diapers are back in action. Along with cloth diapers, another popular sidekick has emerged. Home made wipes are the newest green baby innovation. Inexpensive, customizable and Earth conscious, home made wipes are becoming a staple of green parents
[/quote]

My take is.......
[i]In an economy increasingly concerned with reducing waste and the environmental impact of consumerism, the Earth Movement would seem to have a green finger in a wide assortment of ecological pies, from naturally-produced food to recycled clothes. Their latest target? Disposable diapers.
Recently, environmentally -aware parents have been turning their backs on expensive, eco-unfriendly diapers and returning to re-usable, terry towelling diapers.
A spin-off from this is the home-made baby wipe, which is rapidly establishing itself as the new ‘green-baby’ innovation. Eco-friendly and penny conscious, home-made wipes are becoming a staple item for green parents. [/i]

Bear in mind I'm a Brit ( hence the reference to two pence )and I've really resisted using the word 'nappy'. 'Fingers in pies' may seem a bit strange as well ...sorry about that!

I'm sure others on the forum can offer differing takes on this... as for me I'm off to finally nail my best-seller (lol) 'Bye for now!

[shirleyprime]

Debbie, thank you for all of your suggestions. I believe the main thing for me to attempt now is to write slower, and take more care in my word choices, phrasing, and structure. I will re-write using and remembering your suggestions/instructions. Thank you for the reminder about serial comma's. I am an addict to the comma and it is a fault I will likely struggle with on and off throughout my career. Again, I appreciate your help.

Jowal, thank you as well. I do not mind at all your rewrite of my introduction paragraph. In fact I appreciate seeing my thoughts in a different style. That said, the style and tone of your paragraph are far from my own voice in my writing, possibly because I am from the States. I will try to reword my paragraph, including the phrasing, so that it will flow better, be more cohesive and sound like the same person wrote it the whole way through. Thank you for your help and enjoy your time away.

[Debbi]

jowal,

"Fingers in pies" is a widely-used expression here in the American colonies (heh) as well. It was exactly what I was thinking could replace the "green thumb" reference.

What kind of fiction do you write?

[jowal]

Debbie ... I'm struggling away at the coal-face of what can be loosely described as 'commercial fiction'. I'd rather it was labelled 'literary fiction' but sadly that's just too pretentious .
I have set myself the challenge of combining a story set in Occupied France during WW2 and the present day, because I live in area which was occupied by the Third Reich and amazing stories of the French Resistance abound .. to look at this tranquil region today you just wouldn't believe it. Railway lines blown up, convoys ambushed, swift and brutal retribution.... I look at little old men at my local market in a totally diferent light now. 'What did you do in the war ,grandad? ' ' I slit an imformer's throat, my boy'
We're on re-write 3 now .... I'm beginning to wish I'd opted for chic-lit .
But I soldier on in the sure and certain knowledge that if I ever manage to catch the eye of a publisher I will be too old and decrepit to do any book signing ... even f I were to give my carers the slip ( lol)
But I keep repeating the wanna-be authors mantra .... this year, this year.
Good luck to everyone out there striving to reach their literary goal .... just believe!

We seem to have strayed off topic ... sorry about that.